Posts Tagged maydens

The suiting end of a rough-worn week an anotter blacked nite from liver-sqweezins and that be evently the best times I do my skill but the real work starts a-going today, aie

18 April 2010

by Fletch

Eh fine, fine day.  Wayta blow off the seams of a hard week of trainin. Rue landed hisself the stone dublet, King Dumbarton ennertained us all, and Kai turnt a might-fine skink.

I hit a hard sleep and found my breeches utop the tavern chandleer.  Maydens and culls ere looking at ‘ol Fletch a bit harder todee, aie.

In the tavern one eve there was spun quite the tale
I heard, o’era  mugful of stout
Of a loosly and lovally swivable milk mayd,
Of coarse, I determint…to seek this about!

I staggrt down south and I knockt at the ‘stead,
Where a saucy ewe greeted this lout.
She purrt “Are you here for the farmer’s lush daughter?”
“Way ho!” sayt I…with a gutful of stout.

She wasted no moment, and soon we were bare,
Her fields were true verdent, no dout.
She trussed up the covey and burrowed him there,
“Gee-UP!” thought I…with a head full of stout.

Her father did find us, and pichfork held high,
He readyied to breat me a clout.
“I rekon you’re tending to marry my girl?”
“Ev corsh” sayt I…with a heart filled with stout.

So tell all your sons, and mind all your drinks,
Don’t listen for maydens to swive.
The daughters of farmers don’t stay farmers daughters,
In truth, they become…bowsy culls’ wives.

Whot of the noggin payin off, and the leg-pullin of a rack of koboldts and lots of loot, so much gold, aye

10 April 2010

by Fletch

Now in the day, sommat my chets back in the old Home were givin grief at my studie of Old Forcuran. “What you to do with a frummy lang?” Theyed snide. “You are t’be an aventurer, oye?”

Tha maydens, I ‘formed them. Maydens want chums what got the noggin. And you throw a bit o’ dead words at em, they get a-tizzled. Haint no matter if you quote an ol’ trade ledger, whot mayden actually unnerstands the word, eh? They are all as, “You speak forien! What a quaint!” whilst their minds be twistin on how to nail your boots to the bedframe, if ya know whot I mean.

So’s I learnd it by gut, and lo! the maydens are as, “Whot you don’ speak common?” while a-figurin how to raise the price. Wenches.

Nowsabouts, I’m not keen on expanding my verbal a-cue-itty, but as a lark I used my one ogre word to pull a play on a half-ork man and his team of kobolts down in the claim. “Alice!” Whoo-dibley, that stopped the monsers quickly, and the half-ork man called for a duel with our best. Dingleberries.

Feckin’ Sondra steps up, a’course, and whilst we others are pointed to take over once she goes down, she surprised the britches from both crews by downing the half-ork man in three quick-blows. Then she runs down the slowest kobolt, and tries to gut ’em.

But more vital, them kobolds brung up a CHEST OF TREASURE. Benyar witness, it took three o’us to scoop it into our packs. And lo! A piece of scroll with Old Forcuran which I read afor King Dumbarton got to it. The gp was old, old.

And then we mine-crawled till I was kept near heaving.  Saw a wiggly-sack whot with rope arms, one grabbed me and numb me through afor I got hackt loose.

I ended up using “Alice” again on the same kobolts whot were dragging the corps of the half-ork man, mayhap to ressurect him, and my carrys so great, they watered their linen. Or leathers. I was in a hard laugh as they run off, sos I didn’t see their kit.

Oye, feels like we been standing in the keep gate most of a week now, customs’re takin forever and whatall

17 March 2010

by Fletch

As I was out by Gandor Lake
I’s keeping my own mind
There was a lass with goblin
Held fast on golden line.

Now when I saw that mayden
My goblin notest hers
It started up and strainin
I covered it’s head an cursed.

–Oh, thee–
Onny good Goblin’s a quiet one
So when it gets unruly
Heave ‘er back an giver a slap
To quiet yer goblin duly! (more…)

Oye arguing and we’re ne’er getting away from the keep and I finally swived a wench Aye so take that Bartimer you bungnipper!

7 March 2010

by Fletch

Dilberries! Running ever-after, to nowhere.

Once  we left the keep, this bit of a Cove with guard-hair ramps up to us to tell us we’d ne’er met, he was Finch and he’d run us a faevor. We set to never meet again perhaps at the tavern up the walk aways.

As we were on toward our claim, we come across a slewed Elf-man, and run down the ogre what slewed him. Only, we think it slewed him. He mayent not. And the elf-man may have been cunning shaver anyhow.

Ech, no matter. When he was strained out, his Trug upped out of the hillside with a baar and we set upon them a’ well.

I learnd an Ogrish word from King Dumbarton: Hahrreg! means “Alice!” I wit the baar was Alice, which is sweet for a baar. I’d best go with Fellclaw or Cleavertooth, meself.

Twas the longest looting o’er an ogret pair ever, as every trace bit and bob was squeeled o’er whilst I alone was driven to the bags of the shiny stuff and looting the den. What care I for ipsy bedding, when there’s bags of coin? That there was meat and ale and a fulle sleep of comfort. Mayhap a mayden? And they toss o’er a baar coller. Oye.

Rather than marking and continuing up our claim, they all decided we bolt back to the keep. Again. To heal a meatshield whot would just throw theyself into the thick next anyhow.

And Lo! At the gate, it is bolted, for Eve is nigh. There is not a stick of fuel, and a dark forest alone to scavenge for twig. Myself and Rue and Liam trackt firewood in the dark, whilst the rest lollygag at the gate with the loot and food.

I’ll have ye now, of the three, twas Rue that bumbled in the bush playing snipe and got caught with arrow, by a shuffler bowman whot had offered hospitality to myself and Liam, and was caught off awkward at the sound.

We followed the cull to a halfling camp with fire and tent, where we payt good coin for bare broth and turnip. Course faire as compared to the sausage and tack the others were to had, aye. And ale, having been parched for all the scavenging for wood and aught.

The whole twas a burned wreck, and the bully of the den shared a tale of heart-rending, of the keep-folk burning a simpleman’s inn, placing him in such dire living.

Mayhaps the ale (as ma mum spake often Drink flies up fast for tall, comely men), but when offered a game of Hide the Turnip to help the inn, I passed gold gladly.

Aye, she was a faire-roe ewe, half-sized, with starlight hair and the devil in her eye.  There was gold in that lair, and I looted her thorough, taking my prize and leaving her delirious and sated as I stumbled to the fire to slake my thirst and view the dawn arizing.

O my key is bright, not rusty,
It is so oft applied
To lockes that are not dusty,
Of maydens that are lusty,
And not full fillde with pride. Ha-Ha!

Upon the morn, we Men of Adventure bid away back to the cart, the town, and mayhap a Decent meal, when we wit of a tagalong. That eve, Rue had paid for a half-price slamkin Hoor, who he may impressed with such Pity, for she unto him is now devoted. Oye.

And he does now claim that she is his ‘trothed. And she as to not a Hoor, but a torch bearer? Did he crawl to the wrong tent?

Double-oye.

Some culls just cannot hold to their ale.