{"id":110500,"date":"2026-07-11T08:05:10","date_gmt":"2026-07-11T15:05:10","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/?p=110500"},"modified":"2026-07-11T08:25:16","modified_gmt":"2026-07-11T15:25:16","slug":"funerals-and-weddings","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/funerals-and-weddings\/","title":{"rendered":"Funerals and Weddings"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

O<\/span>ne year ago today, I buried the love of my life in the cold earth of a priest’s grave.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It’s an impossible thing. My heart aches even to think about it. Since I have returned from the Camino, the largest presence in Pistachio House is Francine’s absence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Today is also the feast of Saint Benedict, and Francine and I are Benedictines. This is not a coincidence, of course. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

Over the years, we have been better (and occasionally worse) about fulfilling our daily obligations to pray the hours and lectio, and since we have become involved in parish ministry it has been a long while indeed since either of us visited the monastery. The one thing that never flagged, though, is our commitment to the Benedictine charisms of hospitality and the sacred liturgy.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We used to joke that Francine focused on the hospitality, and I focused on the liturgy; between the two of us we made one solid Benedictine.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Yet, somehow, I do some of my deepest praying when I am walking on pilgrimage \u2013 a most unbenedictine-like trait indeed!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I learned so much on my long Camino from V\u00e9zelay, including, most crucially, how to begin carrying the cross of Francine’s absence.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

In the two weeks since I have returned, I already find myself falling into some of the bad habits of last year, but I had given myself a two-week grace period to get reacclimated to life in Tacoma. Now it’s time to get to work!<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Since my return, I have served at several Masses \u2013 Sundays, a funeral, and a wedding. <\/p>\n\n\n\n

At the funeral, I ran into my old pastor, the man who baptized me. We had a discussion about the difficulty of going to funerals \u2013 much less serving at them \u2013 once someone close to you has died. At the time, I did not realize that someone close to him had recently died as well, or the conversation might have been a little different.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

It actually wasn’t as difficult as I had expected. Not easy, mind you, and I don’t think it ever will be.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

What I found much more difficult was the wedding later that day.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Weddings are always a source of joy. Here are two lives, coming together into one “until death do you part”.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

This was no small wedding, and every little detail had been lovingly attended to. More importantly, the bride and groom seemed positively giddy in each other’s presence. This new and fragile thing, this marriage, witnessed to and solemnized through one of the quietest and most intimate sacraments of the church, this beautiful moment full of freshness and innocence and hope, and at one point during it I had to leave the sanctuary and try to pull myself together.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

I was fighting back tears because I know how this story inevitably ends. After decades \u2013 or days \u2013 of joys and struggles and triumphs and losses, of the two-become-one taking on the world together, it ends in tears and a loss so large you can’t wrap your heart around it.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Funerals are easy in comparison. The story, no matter how sad, has been told. The woman we buried last Friday \u2013 may angels sing her to paradise! \u2013 died at the age of 101, having outlived not one, but three husbands. I cannot imagine what she endured during her life, but she is now at rest. A good life, well lived.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

We always expected that this would be Francine’s story. The women in her family live long and active lives \u2013 her aunt was still playing tennis into her 90s. If she had lived as long as the woman we buried on Friday, Francine would still be here with us for almost another forty years.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Instead, a year ago today, we celebrated her Requiem and buried her in the cold earth, commending her soul to heaven.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Saint Benedict, pray for Francine and for all the brethren of our Order.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

\"\"
Thom and Francine’s wedding in Tacoma, Friday, Jan. 25, 2008. (Photo\/John Froschauer)<\/mark><\/em><\/figcaption><\/figure>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

One year ago today, I buried the love of my life in the cold earth of a priest’s grave. It’s an impossible thing. My heart aches even to think about it. Since I have returned from the Camino, the largest presence in Pistachio House is Francine’s absence. Today is also the feast of Saint Benedict, and Francine and I are […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":110502,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"nf_dc_page":"","_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":true,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[8,15,3,16],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-110500","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-francine-my-love","category-meditations","category-moments-in-time","category-saint"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2026\/07\/2026-06-21-11.23.03-scaled.jpg?fit=2560%2C1920&ssl=1","jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p1aGBK-sKg","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_likes_enabled":false,"jetpack-related-posts":[{"id":84001,"url":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/one-year-ago-cows-and-a-great-evening-in-fonfria\/","url_meta":{"origin":110500,"position":0},"title":"One Year Ago: Cows! And a Great Evening in Fonfr\u00eda","author":"Thom","date":"25 April 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"(from my journal) Fonfr\u00eda 25 April 2013 First Breakfast in Vega Today we traveled, on and off, with Iain, Anja, and a lovely Korean lady named Isabel (or, as I like to call her, Bob). The climb to O\u2019Cebreiro was steep and rough, quite the toughest climb so far\u2026 but\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Camino"","block_context":{"text":"Camino","link":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/category\/camino\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"First Breakfast in Vega","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/14002984075_8a753b16b6_b.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/14002984075_8a753b16b6_b.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/14002984075_8a753b16b6_b.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/14002984075_8a753b16b6_b.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":83970,"url":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/one-year-ago-a-bus-a-bridge-and-lavender-fields\/","url_meta":{"origin":110500,"position":1},"title":"One Year Ago: a Bus, a Bridge, and Lavender Fields","author":"Thom","date":"20 April 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"(from my journal) Astorga 20 April Breakfasted in the Benedictine hotel with Francine. We walked to the bus station \u2013 maybe 1.5 km \u2013 and caught the 9:30 bus to Hospital de \u00d3rbigo. Walked across town to Puente de \u00d3rbigo and walked across (and back across) the astonishing medieval bridge\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Camino"","block_context":{"text":"Camino","link":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/category\/camino\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Saint Benedict, Pray for Us!","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9036259521_e22c7a6bb0_b.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9036259521_e22c7a6bb0_b.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9036259521_e22c7a6bb0_b.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9036259521_e22c7a6bb0_b.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":85445,"url":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/one-small-step\/","url_meta":{"origin":110500,"position":2},"title":"One Small Step","author":"Thom","date":"28 June 2015","format":false,"excerpt":"Yesterday, Francine and I drove up to Sacred Heart church in Fairhaven, near Bellingham, to attend an informational session on the Diaconate. We put about 250 miles on the car. The talk was given by the director of the program, Rev. Frank Schuster. It was videotaped, so I'm sure it\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Francine my love"","block_context":{"text":"Francine my love","link":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/category\/francine-my-love\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Yr Obd't Servant in Fairhaven. Photo by the fabulous Francine","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/wp-content\/uploads\/2015\/06\/Thom-in-Fairhaven-240x240.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":83959,"url":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/one-year-ago-leon-and-francine\/","url_meta":{"origin":110500,"position":3},"title":"One Year Ago: Le\u00f3n and\u2026 Francine!","author":"Thom","date":"19 April 2014","format":false,"excerpt":"(from my journal) Le\u00f3n 19 April In Le\u00f3n after a relatively easy 18km walk, made only slightly more difficult by the fact of walking on sidewalks for much of it. This is a fantastic city! It\u2019s probably my favourite so far \u2013 other than Pamplona of course. Narrow, crooked streets,\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Camino"","block_context":{"text":"Camino","link":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/category\/camino\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"To Le\u00f3n","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9035942205_17094eaef2_b.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200,"srcset":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9035942205_17094eaef2_b.jpg?resize=350%2C200 1x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9035942205_17094eaef2_b.jpg?resize=525%2C300 1.5x, https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2014\/04\/9035942205_17094eaef2_b.jpg?resize=700%2C400 2x"},"classes":[]},{"id":52624,"url":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/many-blessings\/","url_meta":{"origin":110500,"position":4},"title":"Many Blessings","author":"Thom","date":"18 March 2013","format":false,"excerpt":"Blessing of the \u201cRucksacks\u201d This past weekend was a crazy whirl of last minute errands and bon voyages. Although I\u2019m not leaving until Easter Sunday, and Francine not until the 17th of April, we thought it best to avoid the rushing around the week before Easter. We topped up our\u2026","rel":"","context":"In "Camino"","block_context":{"text":"Camino","link":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/category\/camino\/"},"img":{"alt_text":"Blessing of the \"Rucksacks\"","src":"https:\/\/i0.wp.com\/www.thomryng.com\/camino\/wp-content\/uploads\/2013\/03\/100_0006-168x300.jpg?resize=350%2C200","width":350,"height":200},"classes":[]},{"id":109655,"url":"https:\/\/www.thomryng.com\/amateurmonk\/happy-birthday-francine\/","url_meta":{"origin":110500,"position":5},"title":"Happy Birthday, Francine","author":"Thom","date":"21 July 2025","format":false,"excerpt":"Francine's 63rd birthday. Last year, when she turned 62, having been born in 1962, she proclaimed that it was going to be her year. She called it her \"golden year\". Maybe it was. This is the year that she was swept up in the arms of Jesus. 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