The State of the Union, Simplified
So. I watched Mr. Bush's speech the other night. For those of you who might have missed it, here were some of the high points:
- We can only achieve peace by pursuing unending war
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We can only save our freedom by giving up our liberties
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We can only fix our half a trillion dollar budget deficit by collecting less revenue and spending more money
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We can only grow our devastated economy by renewing our commitment to the principles that crashed it in the first place
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The three million jobs lost since 2000 pale in importance to the 1000 created last month
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We can only preserve the sanctity of marriage by amending the Constitution to deny rights to homosexuals
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We can only ensure good medical care by limiting malpractice lawsuits
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We can only show our commitment to America's schoolchildren by denying schools funding while promoting sexual abstinence and mandatory drugs testing
Or, to simplify only slightly:
War is Peace. Freedom is Slavery. Ignorance is Strength.
And did anybody else notice that he never mentioned Osama bin Laden? And what about those WMDs in Iraq? Hello?
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