Praying for the Dead

This past week was particularly difficult. We finally got Francine’s autopsy results on Monday. The whole week was kind of a blur after that. I didn’t even go to OCIA on Tuesday. I did manage to make soup for my friends Adam and Chris when they came over on Friday, and it was a hit. Or else they are being very kind with my incompetence.

I’m pretty sure the first time I left the house was on Saturday, All Saints’ Day, for the morning Mass. For various reasons, I found myself incapable of posting my usual discourse here on the blog about the music for All Souls.

On Sunday, of course, there were the three Masses of All Souls. My only plan was to pray for Francine, and this I did. This is, after all, the day above all others that we honour and pray for our beloved dead.

When I arrived to serve at the 9 AM Mass, I saw that Father had placed candles on the Mensa of the high altar. There was one candle for every funeral celebrated at Saint Patrick’s this past year. It was a beautiful gesture.

I was utterly unprepared for the prayers of the faithful, however. The lector slowly read the names associated with each of those candles. When I heard Francine’s name, even though I was bracing myself for it, I felt my legs start to go out from under me. I caught myself, but could not stop the tears and had to go to the sacristy to compose myself.

The second time, at the 11:00 AM Mass, I held it together a little better, but it still definitely got to me. The 7 PM Mass was every bit as affecting as the 9 AM.

I’m hoping this week will be easier.