Happy Birthday, Francine

Today would have been Francine’s 63rd birthday. Last year, when she turned 62, having been born in 1962, she proclaimed that it was going to be her year. She called it her “golden year”.

Maybe it was. This is the year that she was swept up in the arms of Jesus. I have no doubt that she is in a place of joy and peace and light.

But as for me, everything is loss.

Last Thursday, I took the commuter train into Seattle with my sister Melanie and the niecelette Stella, me for work and them for a touristy day. 

On the train, I was washed in the sad memories of days long gone, when Francine and I first met on this train. She knitted while our train chess club played. I hope that someday these will again be happy memories, but for now, all I feel is loss. 

I can feel the sadness welling up within me whenever I visit a place we visited together, places where we made memories. I can see her in all the places we’ve been.

At the same time, I’m sad for all the adventures we’ll never have. The places we will never visit together. We had planned Paris (finally!) and the Voie de Vézelay. 

Everything is loss. 

I no longer know how to celebrate her birthday. Typically, on the weekend closest we would spend a few days in a cabin on Vashon Island. We haven’t done that since the plague year, but we had planned to return this year.

On her actual birthday, we would have dinner in a restaurant of her choosing. Often, this would be a place we’d never been before. Over the years, we’ve had the opportunity to explore many cool and interesting restaurants – and a few turkeys. 

Two years ago, we celebrated her birthday in what was then the only tapas place in Tacoma, Amor. We absolutely loved this place and went back a couple of times afterwards. Sadly, they closed their doors earlier this year.

I used one of the photos I took of her that day on the cover of the worship aid for her funeral Mass.

Possibly Francine’s most memorable birthday celebration was for her 50th. We threw her a surprise party seven weeks early and in another State. Needless to say, she was surprised!

Friends from all over the country came. Some of them I did not see in person again until they visited Francine during her final illness.

So what am I going to do today?

I took the day off work.

This morning, I went to Calvary Cemetery to visit Francine. My original plan was to walk down the hill and catch a bus downtown, but when Callie texted me this morning asking for the cemetery address, I knew she was heading there today as well.

So I caught a ride from her and Jon. I very much appreciate it, as it definitely cut my travel time quite a bit.

I spent some time at the graveside and wept. I wished Francine a happy birthday. And then I came home to Pistachio House, which is still filled with her spirit.

This afternoon, I will spend a holy hour in adoration at my parish church.

This evening, I’m getting together for dinner with two very old friends. We are going to a place that Francine had never been.

And starting tomorrow, I will get back to hiking. This is for three reasons: I miss it, it’s good to get back into a routine, and because Francine would insist.

Happy birthday, my beautiful bride.