Giant spiders… amirite? You hate ’em. I hate ’em. Everybody hates giant spiders! Hell, I suspect other giant spiders hate giant spiders.
And don’t get me wrong. I have nothing against spiders. Pixie Fairies live in the woods. Full of spiders. Think of all the bugs in the world. Spiders eat bugs. If it wasn’t for spiders, we’d be up to our asses in bugs, pardon my Paelific.
No. Just giant spiders. Spiders shouldn’t be bigger than me. Sure, I’m small. But you could be smaller than me and still be a wicked big spider. Spiders the size of babies, big dogs, little ponies… that’s just creepy!
Oh! What happened next? Well, that’s where the story just starts getting interesting. I’m flying downriver, fast as I can, praying my team is behind me. As far as I’m concerned, the spiders might have taken those kids, and there’s a slim chance they’re still alive,
So, I get to where the spider climbed the river bank and…. Oh, wait. Here are my friends. No, no, no — don’t pull that alarm cord. Don’t cry out. Don’t try to draw your sword.
Just listen to the sound of my voice. Soothing. Rhythmic. Notice how hard it is to do anything but listen to my voice. And every thought you do have only takes you deeper into a state. of. deep. hypnosis….
Now, why don’t you pass me that sword? Trust me. It’s safer that way, for everybody.
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